i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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