Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
