Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
