i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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