There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
