I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
