so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
There's always time for handjobs
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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