I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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