You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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