Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
