you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
My feet surprised me
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
