forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We are all done wearing pants today
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
