If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Randomize
