Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We just shotgunned beers for America
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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