Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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