a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
