so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
