used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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