he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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