im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
