I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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