Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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