Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
