Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
