We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you would pick up someone in the library
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
