good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize