i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You are a genius and a whore.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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