My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
