I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
