I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize