if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
