if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
