Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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