'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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