i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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