She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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