i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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