Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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