the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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