guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
