a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
