I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I could fuck to npr.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
that is very illegal...i love you.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
