So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
