Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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