Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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