Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
