I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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