forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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