I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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