and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize