jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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