i permit you to call me
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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