I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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