Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
