I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
