Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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