I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize