Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
