To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
