I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i think i have herpe
just one?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize