I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
