Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
