We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
