I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
