Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize