Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
