just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize