She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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