if you like me you must not know who I am
Jerry, you need to find god
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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