dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
