I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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